Family has changed their job, making their financial situation different, now they can't afford travelling for Christmas with the rest of the family: 'I communicated this clearly to my in-laws, however, this was not received well.

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We are located in Europe; most of us live in different countries. My (37F) husband (38M) used to be the higher earner in the family (as well as the eldest son); he has been working very hard since his early 20s and has accomplished a lot. On his family side, he is close to his two siblings and mom (his dad passed away). We all get together for Christmas; either we go to the country where his mom lives and stay with her, or they come to our place, since the
A family putting together the decorations on the Christmas tree. Models for explanatory purposes only.
younger siblings didn't have the space to host (still don't) or were living in students' dorms. (not anymore) We have 3 young children; my husband's siblings don't have children(or pets). My mother-in-law recently (in 2024) decided to sell their childhood home and buy a smaller apartment. This has complicated getting together for special holidays, but we are happy to host at ours.
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However, this is where things become interesting or complicated. My husband has decided to start his own business; he has been working very hard to get it off the ground. This has made us change our lifestyle significantly. I had to quit my job to be able to run the household and take care of the kids (I'm not upset about this; I was going through a very bad burnout bc we tried to make this new situation work, which it didn't).
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Husband hasn't earned any money since 2025, so we are just cutting down our costs as much as we can. We are lucky that we are not yet in a financially alarming situation (thanks to our savings), but we need to be mindful of our spending. (no we dond't come from money, and our parents never gave us a penny, we worked very hard for our money and saved as much as we could for years).
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Last year we already were not able to travel for xmas since, again, we are adjusting to our new financial reality. Therefore, his family came to visit us for the holidays. Unfortunately, this year we are again not able to travel for xmas. Specially bc going to any of the other family members' locations would involve not just the airplane tickets or gas costs, but we would need to rent a hotel or
via u/Mininabubu
 Airbnb, since his siblings and mom don't have space to host us. I communicated this clearly to my in-laws, however, this was not received well. We offered for them to come to our place for the holidays; some can stay with us (in our guest room), and others, if they prefer, can rent an Airbnb close by (they are all now financially independent and earn a good salary).
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The problem? They don't want to. They said they would prefer to rent an Airbnb in another nearby area bc they don't like the city we live in; they wanna go to another exciting, better-looking city. So, they are slightly pressuring us to join that plan, where we all rent an Airbnb in a nearby location (next door country or a few cities away). I feel strongly about us not traveling anywhere this holiday to save money; my husband's business is slowly improving but
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we are nowhere near of getting a paycheck from it. We have explained this several times in different ways to his family, but we get the idea they don't really understand our situation like they say they do. Anyways, yes, we haven't been going to them for holidays in the past 2 years (this would be the 3rd), but are we the AITAH for not making an "effort"?
via u/Mininabubu
A family posing in their Christmas pyjamas. Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned.
Puzzled_Bite1877 No way you are the AH if family is too dense to get the current situation.
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Medical-Potato5920 NTA. But your husband needs to be the one telling his parents this, not relying on you to
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Ok_Homework_7621 NTA, but at this point I'd be revoking all invites and spending the holidays at home with just the husband and kids. If the in-laws continue with the tantrums, that would be every Christmas from now on, with additional penalties for immature behaviour.
via Ok_Homework_7621
Lonely-Echidna8683 NTA. Do what's best for your immediate family. If your in-laws don't like it too bad.
via Lonely-Echidna8683
Hungry-Job-3198 NTA his family is choosing to act oblivious to it so they can keep pushing for what they want.
via Hungry-Job-3198
Creative-Summer9985 “We’d be happy to come if you are paying, otherwise is not feasible for our family this year” NTA
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